Nurture your energy

3 in one day. I am bored and restless. Mom's friend brought me some Henri's sandwiches for lunch. I have sworn off meat since this cancer started.  My body was not processing red meat well and that was how I knew something was going on. I had to have a bite of the roast beef. I love the fact that they cook the roast themselves and make the bread. Some things like that are so comforting. I haven't felt like painting yet. Today reading is off the table. I have just been fooling with the computer.

Jordan suggested I talk to my cancer. So I did. I asked it why it was here, and it told me that I let it in. I have been telling it everyday to leave. I know that sounds crazy, but it makes me feel better. I think in some ways I did let it in. I have been reflecting on my life and what I have been through. I have been under a tremendous amount of stress since 2005. It started when my mother in law shot herself. 9 months later, my father in law died riding his motorcycle. We think he had a heart attack. Then my husband fell apart and he never got back on his feet. He wouldn't work. I was supporting both of us. I was commuting to Washington, La every other week. It was an 11 hour drive. We had a beautiful creole mud cottage on a bayou on 14 acres. I was maintaining 2 households. I had to close the estate. Then we had to clean and pack a 4,500 sq ft. 3 story house full of antiques. I went back and forth for 2 years. I did it all. Wade was too depressed to help. He was smoking way to much you know what and became delusional. I don't smoke so that was extra hard to watch. I also did not realize the magnitude because I was going back and forth and he was outside a lot. He became abusive and I left him. He moved to California, and I moved back in my old house. The minute we sold the house, I began working on back to back movies literally. I did not have a break until this Thanksgiving. I had not had more than a week off in 3 years. That was when the symptoms first started manifesting. So, I am firmly convinced stress is a killer and has to be eliminated at all costs. When you are type A like me, you tend to create more stress inadvertently because of striving to achieve and make things great. Nothing has to be so perfect anymore. Nothing really matters so much anymore. I am letting so much go and I think that is the first step on the journey. That is going to include some people I know. There are energy vampires and we all know those kind of people. They have to go too. I realize that my energy is the most precious commodity I have and I have to nurture it. Please nurture yours. Peace out.