Went to my other appt today. The real deal is, the cancer has spread to my lungs.
It is growing. It is aggressive. Statistically speaking I won't be here in 2 years or even 1.
The chemo protocols will make me feel bad and it really comes down to a quality of life issue.
Do I feel ok and then get sick. Or do I have chemo and feel bad but buy some more time. Possibly I can beat the odds. The bottom line is I have a very nasty aggressive cancer and a poor prognosis. Both Dr's want to treat this properly. I guess since Dr. J operated on me, he knew more about what the cat scan meant.
but now that it has spread to my lungs...... mother fucker.
My poor Mom cried. I am crying. This sucks. How sick do I want to be. I want to fight.
At least for a while.
Motherfucker........
I can't say enough how much you have meant to me in life and that I love you!!!!! Jay and I would like to come out and see you! Thinking of you always, Bethie.
ReplyDeleteI love you too Beth. i am really not up for visitors. i tried to go eat with friends and that was too much! Let me heal more. I love y'all
ReplyDeletePossibly I can beat the odds - I'm holding onto that sentence right now.
ReplyDeleteI think you used most of the words that are going through my mind...so no need to be redundant. So I will just say that YOU are not a statistic...nor are you part of the statistics you have been given...there is only one you. You will hear this a million times - but miracles happen daily, against all odds. Do what is best for you. Let those who love you carry you through this journey when you need it. Never give up. Thank you for letting us know what is happening so we know what kind of prayers you need. Rest and keep taking one day at a time. Xo
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ReplyDeleteiT ISN'T WANTING OR NOT WANTING TO FIGHT, IT IS GATHERING ENRGY AND STRENGTH TO FIGHT
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ReplyDeleteI fully understand your feelings, Ellen. It IS all about the quality of life.
ReplyDeleteJOANN
Fight , fight, fight!! The wierd thing is ...the faster things spread and divide- the better response these bad cells have to chemo. So, just get a round of chemo going and watch these spots melt away!! Nancy
ReplyDeleteOh, Ellen. My heart aches after hearing your strength and hope before Dr #2. Stay strong. Yes. You. Can. Love you.
ReplyDeleteThansk Nancy. Dr, Jenkins started the whole quality of life speech, dodged all my chemo questions and then asked me the patient how we were treating me. I was like uh you were supposed to call MDA> He had not read my cat scan. And told me to relax and stop asking questions. I was like you opened the door with the quality of life speech so give me the stats, he heemd and hawed I was like i can take it you went there. So THANK GOD I went to Dr. A today. She is smart as hell and caring and compassionate and took time to explain and is researching the protocols instead of just punting me off. Thanks you!
ReplyDeleteMarivee you can come tomrrow. I am just exhausted!
I am so proud of you for being so strong and not taking their bullshit. It's truly maddening, the arrogance of some of those guys.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm so glad you found Dr. A. She sounds awesome....and that she'll give you what you need and listen to you!!
Sending you all the strength and positivity in the world. xo krystal
The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it.
ReplyDelete-C.C. Scott
I love you, Ellen. If anybody can do it, you can. You're Ellen for christ sakes!
I love you Staceage!
ReplyDeleteEllen,
ReplyDeleteI don't know you - I just happened to stumble on to your blog. Fight it - fight it - fight it! Cry when you must and then go for it. You are surrounded by love...my best thoughts and prayers for you!
Ginger
Ellen, you are my hero! Hold on to your faith! I love you...I have been praying for you and mom to have strength. Want to see you soon! :)
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