ok here we go

Motherfucker. I was sick for a week and in the hospital for three weeks. i have lost 61 pounds/ I am a 6 but i have to wear 10's for the tumor tummy. The last drug Ifosamide almost killed me. It killed some tumor but I could not speak for three dys/ I hallucinated/ I threw up all day for 2 weeks. i am NPO ( nothin by mouth) for infinity. I sneak and drink gatorade but if I swallow icey drinks the tumors HURT. SO I drink it lukewarm. I get my food through a bag. They put a centtral line in my arm. No more sticks or ivs YEs!!!!!Not so bad. I take tiny bites of things ( gelato) to try and feel normal... whatever that is. I have the most sympathy for all of you that have been so sick. I hope this is working because now I have necrotic kidneys and nephrotic kidneys.... yay/// stints to drain kidneys into the bladder just make me quiver with excitement. But there is always a new preocedure , most of them don't hurt so bad you just don't know. To date the 2 worse things were the uteruine biopsy  and the ct urogram. So far 7 cat scans 2 MRI's, biopsys on and on and on.
I guess what I am saying is I almost died again......again... I am not even catholic and I pray to St. Jude every night. I get up and put on my game face and fight but somrtimes reality smacks you in the face.
Hey all you IATSE 479 member don't bitch about the insurance C2 has rocked $567,000 so far and i have paid $712.... So don't be cheap and get the C3.
Back to me, because this all about me, thanks for all the well wishes and visits. I really appreciate that.
Irby you and Julie look fantastic. I was delighted to see you guys.
Going to the beach for a week and then I am start the dreaded ifosamise course but with a different dosage. Cross your fingers.....
So here is my playlist for today. It just is how I am feeling

Sympathize- Amos Lee
Gotta cheer up - Cotton Jones
Where to Now st. Peter- Elton John
Nightengale- Norah Jones
Theivery Corporation- Lebanese Blonde
The Beatles- While My Guitar gently weeps
Ray LaMontagne-For the summer
Coldpaly-A message
Tired Pony-Dead American Writers

This is what I am holed up listening to. This is exactly how I am feeling....
Ok enough for now....
Peace out...
Time for a new fintenal patch and an oxy...
night night

My little story

Sitting in jury duty last winter, I got bored. I then got inspired to write stories about the people sitting with me. Here are a couple of their"fios" The man next me, lived with his mom until he was 42. He left home despondent over the fact that his mother was an outlaw stripper and heroin user in the early days in San Francisco when bikers were new. His father died in Oregon in a logging accident, he was sucked in a chipper because his scarf got
Caught. Elmer, having no paternal role model, ended up collecting barbies 
And socket sets. Upon his departure from his mother's modest abode, he rented an apartment, and became a hoarder. He launched from barbies and tools to a staggering array of collections. Dentures from dead people, bras in all sizes, tupperware, and varied leggings from them80's. His prized pair were worm in the movie fame. The leggings even have the sweat from Jennifer Beals body. He also has all the chopsticks he has ever used. Having a secret penchant for asian women, he collects these chopsticks as a symbol of their demure nature and humble servitude. Elmer is also a virgin. Weighing over 300 pounds, no Asian woman as ever
given him the time of day. He would love a little Vietnamese girl he could all his very own cha gio. Elmer also has gas. He never learned to cook and must eat Beenie weenies and sauerkraut. I think probably there is some raw garlic in there. My hair is flying to one side,
Intuitively escaping this wretched stench. Maybe it is his tortured soul or perhaps the cry of a cancer ridden colon. I am sure David Sedsris would have a much better explanation. On the other hand, sue Beth on the other side of me is feeling sexy in her white blazer and improperly fitted high heels. Although she has a cute figure, her cheap wardrobe make her sort of homely. She gazes at every one with a patronizing air of " i am so fucking better than u"
And yet she so is not. Her hobbies would be wine tasting, she would tell people she gardens but she only knows how to make casseroles from recipes , and the long horn bourbon marinated salmon when company
comes. Recently divorced, she ordered a vibrator with a jack rabbit
attachment and it turned on in her purse while she was at her eye doctor. Obviously acne ridden as a teenager the dermabrasion, carefully applied
makeup, and expensive blond highlights have scored her a few dates frommatch.com. The last man seemed cute hut it did mot work. He was
A funeral director And had a Clammy wet hamdshake and the faint

Reek of Stetson and right guard

I am still here

Sooo sorry for the delay. I had a really bad reaction to my chemo. It was horrible. I am not having that again.
There is a new drug that. Is my last hope for this. I am hoping and praying that this is the ticket because the other one had too many side effects.
This one is approved but hard to get. Dr. Contuaria is going to try to got it. My sistER has a back door connection to the drug reps. I am talking to my dr.tomorrow. Ok
Peace out. Oh and this was the real loopy chemo brain. I thought I had it before, but I had noooo idea it could get this bad. Sorry Su for not understanding that.my chemo was apparently not as bad as some. And worse than others. Sorry for my crappy syntax and misplaced pronouns Parker. I know you are sad but I am actually a good writers. Can I send you a text I wrote bored in a courtroom, or for that matter Warren, should I post "the text" for my bog readers. It is humor think Thaddeus o'toole.
Thank you for not calling I was too loopy to talk but I have motor skills back so call me!
Peace and prayers.
Love, e

Yo

I think I will be in the hospital until this round of chemo is over. I haven't felt like writing because I have been throwing up. I am tired. I am sick of this.
At least the staff here at the hospital are wonderful. I have no complaints. I have had some visitors and that has been nice. Nobody has stayed too long. I really don't have much mqore to write now but I wanted to let everyone know what is going on. Off to get a kub to make sure there is no blockage.
Peace

Thus sucks

So I think I am going back to the hospital., I have thrown up bile all night and am dehydrated. This sucks. My stomach is on fire and screaming. I am calling Cecelia when she gets in. Email me. Peggy and Michelle, call. Michelle, you might be coming to hospital when you get in town. There is a Marriott across the street. It is decent and 79 a night. Hyatt near by. Peggy I Love you girl.call when you can.
Just talked Cecelia, checking bCk on to the hospital in 2 Hours.....

Home

Home at moms house. I feel much better. Had some rest and some lame narcotics. Seriously, they got my chemistry straightened out. Ahhhh. I go in for fluid sat and then new chemo regimen starts mon. Don't know much about that yet. So please don't ask questions.
It feels great to be out of the hospital. We went to the fish market and had a delicious lobster roll. I have been craving lobster for days. We also had some lump crab which was anti climactic. Overcooked. So...
I am about to take a nap.
Call me. Pray this new chemo drug works. It is my last option.

Better

I am better. My platelets are coming up and hopefully I can start this new chemo this weekend or Monday. I am throwing up less. My kidneys seem to be ok. They might put stints in later if need be. Basically, we are trying this chemo to see if it works and if it doesn't, I am done with treatment. I am being positive so keep the prayers coming. I am still in nside rm 346.
My hair is starting to grow back in and it is coming in darker. Wooohooooooo! Not that my hair really matters but.....
My humor left and has not returned. I think she is on vacation.
I am happy with my care here. Everyone is so nice here. The nurses are great. There is one bitch that is a case manager, but I think I am getting excellent care. It obvious most people love their job on this floor. I am also pleased with the food this time around. It is better than last time. I can actually eat it.
I am a little tired of tv but I still can't focus to read. Maybe a few magazine articles and the times but not novels..
I am going to try and draw today. It is after all Stella Jane's BDAY and I want to mAke her an American girl card. No other news. I will write more later. I think I am up for blogging again.
Peace

Bad

I am still in the hospital and today was one of the harder days. Even though my ca125 was going down, I was sick because refractory tumors are growing. Meaning tumors that are new and separate during chemo. These tumors do not respond well to drugs and all in all it is bad news. I can get better but I need to be prepared to not get better also. My platelets are down so we are not starting the new chemo regimen right away. Also my kidneys are affected, they are backing up so stints might be put in place. I feel better in some ways and worse in others. I am sad and don't really feel like blogging today. I will write more tomorrow.
Just pray or send positive vibes to me. That would be most appreciated right now.
Peace

Hospital

I checked into the hospital yesterday. North side. Had iv fluid and was still dehydrated. So today I get mag, potassium, platelets, blood, and more fluid. Glad I am being cared for. Already feeling better. I love this nursing staff. Still not eating. Maybe later....

Sorry

All i do is vomit. I am too sick to blog. Getting fluids tomorrow. Haven't eaten since sat. Loosing too much weight.....

Omg

Awww hells bells.... I slept late today. The Day has started like any day let's see if I get sick again. No news nothing to really say. Just sitting here waiting to feel better. Rid has been at my side. He wants Leslie back. He is bored. I am bored too....out of my gravy sucking mind. Ugh.... Ok maybe I will have more later. Peace....

Ugh

Sick yesterday and today. Feel like poo poo. Nothing to say. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
I wake up ok and by lunch I am throwing up. So sick of this......

Sunday

A little laTe posting today. Went and ate Vietnamese, yum. So good. So fresh. At home on the bed relaxing. That outing wiped me out. I am better but my energy is low. This cycle wiped me out. I am thankful to be alive and am hoping cycle 6 is not as hard. I hope everyone is enjoying this weekend. I am going to take a nap now. Night night.

Good morning.
Another spectacular day I hope. I went to waffle house to pack some calories in. Now I a, going to a thrift store to get some jeans... It is hot and gross and I want to get done so I can get back home. I have been watching Wimbledon but i am tired of the grunting.
Ok no real news. Jumping in shower.....
Peace

My outing

So I got my CBC and ca125 drawn. Then we went to Phipps and I got fitted for new bras. The girls have shrunk! We will just leave it at that. I am pleased to report that even though I lost 49 pounds we are still perky. No tennis ball in a sock action here. Then... We had lunch at nordstroms. I am reclining on the bed with a pain pill and a hot fudge sundae. Gotta keep the calories coming. That s about it. I hope everyone has a great fourth. Spend time with your family and don't take them for granted. Life can turn on a dime and you can't get it back.

Fri

I can feel it. Today is going to be a good day. I got up because rid was scratching on the door. I had coffee. My stomach is smaller. I am not as dizzy. I am going to eat in a bit. Then bloodwork. Then to the mall. I need a few things and I have not been anywhere but the dr. in 2 weeks. Please please please be a great day! I really need it. Stella Jane and Harris came by and walked rid last night and then they came up and hugged me good night. They are sooo cute. I wish I had cute little kids like they are. It is times like those that make me sad I am not a mom. Is anyone grilling anything great this weekend? Let me know so i can have a vicarious carnivorous experience. Oh how I would love some fall off the bone ribs or some succulent rack of lamb, or maybe just a delicious hamburger smoked with hickory chips....but not. Anyways, I am just sitting here babbling about nothing but i think I feel so much better, i do not know what to do with myself. Ok more later.....peace.