I am kind of liking being a princess today. All my friends know I refer to myself as princess, and I do like my nice cars and my little expensive shoes but really I never get to be a princess. Dan has been telling me to be a princess... he keeps saying it is ok. So today, I am a princess. Mom brought me coffee and breakfast in bed. Ahhhhh fruit plate, starbucks, cheese toast. Yesterday was the most mentally exhausting day of my life, I slept 13 hours and I am still tired. So today I am going to be a princess and unfortunately there is a frigging pea under this archaic hospital mattress! :-)
Phone calls are ok now. I want to hear from my friends. I just have one request. We can't talk about my illness. I can't mentally do it. That is what this blog is for. Ok? Promise? Thank you
Thank you so much for the blog and update. You've been on my mind and I wanted to call but wasn't sure. This answers a lot of questions and I am grateful to know. I will call you later, but promise to keep it upbeat :)
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ReplyDeleteEnjoy being the princess, Ellen! I'm thinking of you and sending up prayers on your royal behalf.
ReplyDeleteThanks y'all. Still in princess mode and loving it.......
ReplyDeleteEllen--I know how you feel too well. People always expected that I should feel fearful but that was never it for me. I decided God was forcing me to learn patience and how to let patience take a leading role in my life. The upside is that I do make it a priority and am late for meetings, appointments, and church rarely now.
ReplyDeleteThink of chemo as an adventure or science experiment. I was lucky and didn't get the kind where your hair falls out. But think of the great hats you will get to wear! It's a forced journey into discovering who you are and what you are made of. The support of your family and friends will be important and that was super hard for me was to let others help me without being able to reciprocate. That was maddening for me but eventually I had to allow others to have their turn at giving and being a reciever was my role in their self-esteem development. I learned how to be grateful.
I hated being forced to become patient, grateful, and humble but it's been a good thing.
Get involved with The Wellness Community or Gilda's Group. It's all free for cancer patients and their caregivers. I do a meditation class, cooking classes occasionally, and the support group is really important. It was great to hear other people's stories and get help sorting through my feelings of dismay. Scott actually wasn't good at support--he gives in to fears too easily. Going to this group helped me feel like I was understood, which I needed.
It was hard for me to let on to my family how sick I was. That's actually not a good plan. It came back to bite me when I was expected to be the same as always at a large family get-together and got reamed when I wasn't living up to that expectation. Maybe other people had fears and didn't want me to be different or that sick.
Well, I've probably said too much. I've tried to use my journey as a learning experience. That's how I managed it. And really the meditation helps take me to beyond me--which helps too,
Good luck. I love you.
Karen Young
Thanks karen How true. mom is not good at support. She is falling apart. my sister has stepped as well as friends. Unfortunately, my family knew how bad my cancer was for several days before I did. we are all in this together. I little dysfunctional rowboat in choppy seas. Thanks for reaching out!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the shout-out, BE the princess, Ellen... BE the princess!
ReplyDelete(btw - I got it. I'm just surprised you didn't actually spell it!)
;)