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Today is just weird. I can't seem to be me. I feel weird. I am out of it. I am am not nauseated but the thought of food makes me feel bad. I am super tired but I am tired of laying bed. I lay and doze and listen to the sounds in the house. My sister is cooking in the kitchen. My mom is watching tv in the other room. The dog is running around. I doze off and I am on a horse cantering on the beach with the breeze in my hair. My hair is back and it is long and salty, and I am laughing. I wake up drenched in sweat as i do every time, and I am not at the beach. I am in the little hospital bed in my Mom's room. It kills my back but when I have chemo I am toxic for 48 hours and I sleep down here.I stare out the window and I see two fat squirrels running along the fence out the window. A cardinal is in the tree, and I am still in bed. This is chemo. This is cancer. I am thankful for this day. Another day I am here. Everything has gotten so small. Nothing matters anymore to me. Only what is right in front of me is important. The world used to he so big, my mind used to race. It is still and quiet now. I can stare at the same spot on the wall for an hour. That is so not me. My day revolves around how much liquid, bowel movements, food, it used to be so much more. I get it now what everyone was talking about. The chemo. It does suck, i am just not complaining. This is a journey and it is taking forever. I think I might bounce back in a couple of days which would be great. If we can get this anemia under control in will have so much more energy. This iron treatment sux! I hope you never have to do it.....