Energy

It is so hard to gauge how I will do in a day. We went long and hard yesterday and I came Hone and really wanted to make supper. Sometimes I just want someone to bring me a juice but a lot of the time I want to be self sufficient. Leslie went to boot camp and I got some roasted chicken thighs in the oven as well as some fingerling potatoes roasted with olive oil and smoked sea salt. But as I put the skillet in the oven, I ran out of gas. I just culd not do the asparagus. I ran out of gas. I went and layed down and Les had to finish. It is a fine balance between cancer patient and independent. I really can't be. I can't pick anything up off the floor. If i fall i can't get up. I can't open a vitamen water. I have no hand strength.so frustrating. Everything atrophied in the hospital.Today I am just laying here. I a awake but I am laying on the sofa with my eyes closed. I can hear a variety of birds, the squirrels scampering on the trunk of the oak tree, the wind gently rustling the leaves in the trees. I can smell the rain coming and I hope it does because I can just lay here for hours and listen to it. Sometimes I just have to rest and this becomes my whole day. In some ways I like it because it is so zen. I am so type a that it is hard for me to sit down. Well that is not totally true. When I am on a movie it is hard for me to relax. So this is very cathartic. Also I am up for calls and visits. I hate it when 2 people come more than anything. It is so exhausting so if you want to come please come by yourself. I have a finite amount of energy and if 2 people come you will have a 10 minute visit. If one person comes you might get an hour. It just is too exhausting talking to 2 people at once. Also call before 8 pm by 8 I am in bed. Ok that is all. Peace.