Yesterday escalated and we had family drama. It was bound to happen. My sister is taxed and this is draining. She has been a trooper but I know it is hard. Mom has detached as her coping mechanism and is so very frustrating. I want to pound my head into a wall. I am not even going in to it all but I can't have any more days like that. It will be to my detriment. I always take the bait and go there but not now. I can't . I don't have the desire or the energy. Uncle you win. I only want positive energy or go away.
I continue to improve each day. I am in some pain. My stomach is very tender where the tumor is. I took a pain pill last night. I try not to but I wanted it last night. We watched the killing the new series on amc. I thought it was excellent. Check it out if you can. I think the Lighting and mood are great. Very dark as in low light, shot well for episodic I think.
The struggle to eat continues. I did pretty well yesterday, and I discovered carnation instant breakfast. So much better than ensure and added calories and protein.
The chemo is really starting to effect how things taste. Coke doesn't taste sweet, it tastes like fizzy pennies. Orange juice is really bitter. Chicken is weird. Sliced turkey is ok but if I put tomatoes or anything on the sandwich it makes it strange. Very odd.
Well that is it. Leslie leaves wed. for a few days to go home. I am glad she isngoing to have her life for a few days but the thought of her leaving terrifies me because she helps so much. Mom is just too dialed out to deal. It will all be fine. I have chemo class on Friday. That should be interesting and informative. Ok that is it for now.
Confession. I was thinking about your Mom being "dialed out" and I know I'm guilty of doing the same thing sometimes. You know exactly what you need from the people around you and it's easy because you know how you feel and what you need at any given moment. Me, I won't know that you need a new TV show to watch, or a popsicle, or a phone call, or a smile, or a pillow under your knees, or a long talk, or peace and quiet. If I'm silent and you need me, please feel free to whack me on the head and scream at me that you need me to call you or you need me to go to the store and get you a grape popsicle. I promise I'm here and I love you. Better than that, we're ALL here and we ALL love you. :)
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