oxy

So one thing you may or may not know about me is that i partied alot back in the day. i never injected myself or anything like that but i had a rather well rounded college experience shall we say. Then i grew bored with it all. i kept drinking but when my friend Charlene in 95 left the bar after we had a million Jagermeisters and hit a steel pole on monroe and died, and i had to tell her parents and her boyfriend she was dead, happy hour became a little boring as well.  Fast forward to my mother in laws suicide where she shot herself in the head and was drunk when she did it, and my friends wife overdosed on alcohol and died the same week, i kind of stopped liking wine. I just kind of stopped everything. I am just lucky I do not have the addiction gene. I have become fascinated with addiction as a result. It makes me sad and it is kind of like a car wreck.... so predictable. I watch that show intervention and i know the people all probably relapse but it is so horrifying watching these people on their last leg shooting up in their neck or selling their baby or what ever it is they do. The other night, the episode was not about a particular person but about hillbilly heroin. Oxy... Oxy the drug made in the 90's that is synthetic heroin designed for teminally ill cancer patients. the drug I was on before my surgery. then a week of dilaudid( heroin) then 2 weeks of oxy at home and then I ran out.. Nobody mentioned stepping down off the drug. the dr. would not write another script. the nurse said take tylenol. the drug I detoxed off of the week I almost died. Ascities and withdrawal all together. Fun, fun, fun, but i guess what has echoed through my head since this episode aired is terminally ill cancer patient....... me. I am not taking the oxy. I take nucynta, and only one every night but still. Will the pain stop? am I terminally ill?.... yes.... for now. Fucking cancer...... fucking oxy.....Fucking terminally ill...