Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Later
I climbed the steps today to the comfortable bed. I stay in the hospital bed for 72 hours because I am toxic from the chemo. We went and ate dim sum for lunch. For some reason I can eat that. I came home and got in bed. I don't feel bad but I am not high energy. I am laying in bed in the room I grew up in. Looking out the same windows like I did when I was a little girl. I love looking out at the trees blowing. It is windy today and it makes me happy. I can hear the pileated woodpeckers and the cardinal dodges in and out. this matress us so much more comfortable. I can lay here and stare at the trees and not feel like I need to go to the chiropractor. Of course my handy companion is curled up at my side. He sleeps at the foot of the bed in the hospital bed but in the big bed he naps with his head on my thigh. All is well so far. I am sipping on apple juice my old standby. Not that I love it but it agrees with my stomach. I donor want to get sick again. I think I will nap and them draw bugs for mom on some wrapping paper for fiona's gift. I think I can draw today. Getting dressed today was another story. Before cancer you get dressed and go. Now with cancer, none of my clothes fit. I have bought new ones. They are baggy. My body looks so strange in the mirror. It is looking at someone else.a holocaust survivor. The long scar runs from my chest to my pubic mound. Not a neat scar but a jagged red angry scar with staple holes that intersects my belly button and looks strikingly contrasted with my pale dry skin. I have no hips or body fat anymore. I have to sleep with a pillow between my legs. My stomach is swollen from the tumors making me look slightly pregnant. I have to buy pants to accommodate and they are huge in the butt. .My hair is gone and what is left is totally grey. I don't recognize myself and neither does anyone else. I say hey to people and they have no idea who I am. No worries. I know who I am, I just don't know this body and neither does anyone else.
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Ellen, what do you mean when you say you are toxic from the chemo for 72 hours?
ReplyDeleteJoAnn
All fluids coming from your body are poisonous. Any fluids coming in contact with your own skin needs to be cleaned immediately. All linens and garments that have sweat urin or saliva need to be washed separately. Everything needs to be handled with gloves. I use a separate bathroom. Hands are to be washed before and after going to bathroom and before and after eating.
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I thought you meant YOU were toxic, as in emitting something, like bad kinds of rays!
ReplyDeleteWOW, you sure have a big scar! Was anythin removed from your chest?
I wash my hands so often that I use up lotion like crazy. Always have done so. Once a week, I soak my hands in olive oil just to get some moisture back into them.
I am going clothes shopping tomorrow. Just did not have the energy before this. All of the crotches in my pants now come down to my knees. Thank goodness for cheap sweats in the last few months.
Up until a couple of weeks ago, my belly was swollen. I saw this referred to as "swelly belly" - which happens after a hysterectomy.
What time zone are you in, Ellen? My last comment says 1:48 PM but it is 4:48 PM here in Delaware.
ReplyDeleteSame as you. For some reason this blog does a different time zone.
ReplyDeleteActually the scar is rom the bottom of my rib cage. Soooo over swelly belly. I love that term. Got the rice pudding! ;-)
War wounds! You can wear it like battle scars, when you feel more up to it of course. I didn't have any--so my sister and sister-in-law just couldn't see what the big deal was. It can work in your favor when you least expect it.
ReplyDeleteI remember the whole toxic emissions. Made me feel like I was poisonous but it passes. The feeling bad and no energy will too but not for months. I guess everyone has already told you this stuff though.
Hang in there. You will succeed--step by step.
I love NYC! I really feel like I've come home. The pace and rhythm of the city really fit me. I've been rather anxious--work is not coming as quickly as I had anticipated but I have worked on Boardwalk Empire a couple of days and go back for a few days this week and next. I meet with an agent for print and commercial work on Thursday and have contacted two agents about representing me for movie work as a designer. I'm not finding NYC any more expensive to live in than Atlanta--sure it can be but I don't live that way at home, certainly can't here either. The subway card is cheaper than gas per week. They have vans to pick up crew instead of me having to drive to the studio or locations.
Think of you more often than you know. Sent good Qi to you yesterday evening in my meditation class. Hope you got it!
Much love, Karen Young
Karen did Scott get transferred? Let me know. I saw you writing about NYC but was not sure what was up. How exciting!
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