This is kind of hard to explain. When you get sick you get depressed, you feel bad. Everything is scary and sudden. Everything is new. Your whole system is fragile. you don't know whAt to expect. Each day is different. Consistently you feel like shit. You hope for these small windows where you are laying on the sofa and things feel normal for a few minutes. You forget about the cancer and you are laughing with your mom or whatever. But those are few. A lot of the time you are laying there with nausea or bone pain. You wonder if you are ever going to be normal again. Then you start to have good days and they freak you out. You wonder how long they will be here. You eat, you have some energy. You feel like you once did for a few hours in a day. Well not really, but sort of. But you know it is an illusion. The cancer is still there and you will have your levels go down and you will feel bad right before the chemo and after. But you have a moment of false security. And it feels good, but you know it is a moment. That is my day today. I think I have a week and a half or at least I hope I do until this nightmare starts up again. That is my life right now. Or at least today..... And hopefully tomorrow and the next day and the next day.
Peace
Feeling good is not an illusion .Its what happens when treatment lets up . Feeling good is you showing thru that which is painful. You will be back and forth but good will win over.At the end of the day the good part Is Ellen. and you don't "Have" to explain that to us .
ReplyDeleteMaybe not to you, but some people do not " get it".
ReplyDeleteyou are walking in the ways of the flesh and it is eating you up. if you knew the ways of faith you would be healed.
ReplyDeleteLMAO!! Obviously Anonymous doesn't know you very well. There's a special circle in Hell for people who follow the ways of that type of faith.
ReplyDeleteGet em Ellen! I love your spirit but try not to waist it on idiots . , on second thought have at em -Nelda Marcos
ReplyDeleteYou made me laugh out loud just now, giggle giggle wiggle wiggle hahaha
ReplyDeleteYay, Ellen! Jesus freaks should only come to this blog if they want to get their asses chewed!
ReplyDeleteYou explained it perfectly, Ellen.
ReplyDeleteOne of my doctors told me this is my "new normal". I don't like it, but it is what it is. For sure, I will never be the same again.
And if faith is so great, why do people get cancer in the first place?
i know your faith perfectly. it is small does not understand. you are not to be blamed for imperfect understanding, you are only to be blamed for refusing to seek the truth and embrace what you do not understand. come out from behind your walls ellen. do not be a prisoner behind your high thick walls of anger and pride. now, you do not know the way and you will not seek it. you mock and pretend to fight. but only the very stupid mock and pretend as they are being eaten alive.
ReplyDeleteyour faith, the kind of true faith that is the path to miracles, needs to be eager and hungry for the deep things of God that cannot be explained. the deep things of God are precious and rare, but are easily found if you SEEK them. the deep things of God will lead to healing. an eager, searching, childlike heart leads to healing. come out from behind your walls and begin to seek the deep things of God you do not yet know or understand and you will be healed.
(to all of you mockers above, SHAME ON YOU. cheering and encouraging the darkness while a dear child walks in fear and sickness, again i say SHAME ON YOU. i spoke because this is life or death. i have read your posts and knew you would scorn and mock if i spoke, but i deeply care. i spoke because i know my words are not empty and void of help. Gods Word is specific and gives the path to healing. just because you do not like hearing Gods Word does not make it any less true.)
(to all of you mockers above, SHAME ON YOU. cheering and encouraging the darkness while a dear child walks in fear and sickness, again i say SHAME ON YOU.
ReplyDeleteMay 21, 2011 1:29 PM You are a very rude person ,Your views are hurtful and unwanted . And if you were not such a coward i would be taping you on the shoulder as we speak. so just take your apple box somewhere else buddy . before i send you to your maker- wade
Wow. There's a little war going on here, huh? Reading between the lines and being a person that has seen firsthand the "deeper things of faith" and miracles, I think "anonymous" is trying to help. There are God things that REALLY DO break evil off of a person and bring on healings and miracles - fasting, intercessory prayer, etc. Ellen, feel free to call me if you want to hear about my brother's healing and some of the things we can do (you, me, all your friends) to break the cancer off of you. It's a free gift and all you have to do is "Ask, Seek and Knock." Love you!
ReplyDeleteI think "Anonymous" is trying to help too! Faith and God are "free" gifts. We don't have to be construed as "Jesus Freaks"... try reading the Bible starting w/ John.. It is not Anonymous's word, only Gods. HE is in the healing business, don't let this world mislead you. This truly is you only hope.
ReplyDeleteHere is what you guys don't get. I do have faith and I do read the bible.
ReplyDeleteAnd actually Paul is my favorite disciple. Maybe you guys should read JOB, how about starting there instead of john .....Anonymous, who won't even leave their name and doesn't know me made a judgement against me and said I don't have faith. Please, if you are going to chime in and judge me, at least be bold enough to say who you are or get off' my blog instead of flinging judgement behind the mask of anonymity. Ps only god can judge. not you guys.