Tuesday, June 14, 2011
The thing is......
I havee written all these different things about cancer. Here is the real kicker. Well let me preface with something first. Families fight. Every family fights different. Sometimes mean things are said. One of my shortcomings that i have had to stop doing is that whenever someone says something hurtful i always want to hurt the person back. I have said some things that i have regretted in my life. Some i could apologize for. Somethings i couldn't and i have had to live with the consequences. I do not like hurting people. That being said, the thing that sucks about cancer the most, is thatmi have hurt my mom and my sister to their very core by being sick. I broke my moms heart in a million pieces same with my sister. I was really hurtful and i did not want to be. That is the part that hurts the most. I thought about publicly expressing my feelings about cancer. I have this tshirt theresa gave me that says fuck cancer. I dont have the guts to wear it out of the house. I say fuck all the time but i can't wear it. Go figure.
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The thing is to really hurt someone they have to love you theres where it gets tricky.Love should equal forgiveness . Between jane and les you wont even have to ask. Just be positive as much as possible that will let all the work your DR and all the prayers your loved ones are dispensing go for the full effect . You have a very taistfull since of smell. smell things that bring you pleasure ,play with your baby dog .listen to the birds watch the squirrels do all those little things that you notice more when film people are gone .We love you Ellen ..You do have a mean streak put it to good use say fuck you loud and proud to the "C".
ReplyDeleteI bet you could wear it if it said Cuck Fancer?
ReplyDeleteEllen, I am sorry I have not been "in touch". My two-year old grandson, aka the cutest kid in the world, has been visiting for two weeks. My daughter is here too, but even so, it has been tiring.
ReplyDeleteSo much of what you are going through and the things you write bring back so many memories of my own thoughts and feelings. Chemo screws you up so badly that you do not know if you are coming or going. It does things to your mind and your emotions that are so terrible. I hate cancer. I saw an author refer to it as The Black Crab.
I hope you were able to satisfy your food cravings for lobster and duck . I have never known anyone made duck confit, although I have a friend in France who eats it a lot.
I am thinking good thoughts for you and hoping that people have the good sense and kindness to support you and not criticize anything you say or write. I cannot believe people would be so insensitive.
JOANN
Thanks JoAnn, i hope you had a blast! I did not have the lobater or the duck. I wanted it but it was too much for me. Chemo feally is intense. I am just realizing how much. I am starting 5 andmy brainis becoming swiss cheese!
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