Hmmmm

I just woke up. I am sitting here with my coffee. My stomach is swollen and sore. Yesterday was a blur. I went and had bloodwork. Threw up lunch. Laid in bed for the rest of the day. The pain pills helped. I feel a little better today. Had to stop the iron for a bit. My constitutoon cant handle it. Soooo tomorrow we will see if i need blood or just chemo. This sux. I normally dont complain but i felt soooo good that when i feel bad again it seems to feel worse. All part of it. Sometimes i just sit here and wonder if i am waiting to die or waiting to get well. Either way i am waiting and i dont feel good. It is the beginning of summer and i want my life back. I cant get my teeth cleaned. I cant get sun. I cant get a pedicure. I cant eat so many things. I cant work in the yard, paint, read, pick up a 12pack of fizzy water..... I kmow tis is temporary but it is frustrating. When Leslie leaves and i am alone, i try to do projects and i cant. It just gets so frustrating. Today i have to sit and paint stella jane a thank you note. That is my task today, then we go to moms for a few days and then the fun begins. She will want to throw away anything we put in her fridge. She will say she wants us there. Then her anxiety level will shoot through the roof. She will get nervous and make up reasons to leave. I will lay in bed and she will never come in the bedroom. I will listen to leslie and her argue in the other
room. Usually leslie is right but she gets too hot headed I will lay there and cry because i cant handle the tension. And some of you are going to call mom and say i am being a bitch but i really dont care....I love Mom with all my heart but she cant deal with this and it is very hard to watch when you are the one she cant deal with. She does better when i am feeling better. Hopefully by tuesday i will be up and at em again. I can be at home and go places in the car and do a few small errands. Have a great day. Later gator. Peace