JoAnn I so can relate to what you wrote. It seems we struggle to feel better and them we wait for the cancer or whatever disease to come back. For me Christmas seems far off and scary. You know I was thinking about this frigging disease and I just have too much to do to die. I am supposed to help my Mom when she gets older. Not out of obligation but because I want to. I am supposed to be an Aunt and spoil the crap out of my niece or nephew. I wanted a new career. I wanted to fall in love. I want to travel some more. I have a whole list, Ethiopia, Austria, Bhutan, myannmar, Nepal again, morocco again. Plus a host of other things. We will see how far I get. I want to give back In some way because so many people have helped me and it is Important to give back. Not particularly to those people but to the others....that need it.
I guess one thing I do is pray for a miracle everyday. I want to be one of those people that they say, "wow, we can't explain it, but all the cancer is gone!"
Ok that's enough for now, gotta eat breakfast and not think about this for a bit. I feel likeI am an alcoholic and instead of one day at a time, I have to go one hour at a time.
Dearest Ellen, Thank you for this, it's made me think about my own list. You remind me that now is the time to live, not later when things calm down or I have more money or the weather is nicer. You just don't know what may come and throw a wrench into your life. I hope your visit to the doctor today provides some hope and that miracle we all want you to find. Thank you again for sharing what you're going through. Can't wait to see you at the end of the month. Lots of love, Catherine
ReplyDeleteEllen, the saying, "don't let the turkeys get you down!!" is what I want to say as I catch up on your blog and hear about a ridiculous doctor or person "withholding??" a drug!! I personally would be mad but, it's clear you're making the best of a very difficult time in your life. You're very brave & I'm SO glad the majority of the people you've been with have been considerate and compassionate.
ReplyDeleteWhen you feel down, or angry or frustrated, just remember you're in my prayers and a lot of other people's too. That love and concern and care needs to wrap around you like a cozy blanket.
Only God knows a lot of things we'd like answers to. Try to trust Him. Like you said it's one day, one hour, at a time sometimes. I'll pray He gives you the peace to abide in His plan and purpose for your life.
The kids want to see you and Rid. Hope you got the pics from last night. Miss you in DH. Love, mendy
p.s. Harris is showing early signs of hoarding. He wouldn't give Rob or me a single piece of candy!
Ohhh Harris, you got to share bud!
ReplyDeleteI Weill be in dh Thursday night and a good part of next week for chemo. I am about to write another post some a a bit calmer now. Seemyu in the hood!