Had my chemo, and am tired. I am anemic as usual but iron is so frigging hard to take. I get sick and it is so constipating. I will have a transfusion next week I bet. The nausea was not too bad. My appetite is zero and the rest of my hair fell out. I always had a little on top, but my head feels smooth now.....
Went to the mall today, I wanted to get a few things for Thanksgiving. All the linens are Christmas already. I was not prepared to deal with xmas today. It hit me. I cried. I know I know.... Quit being a baby but Mom has never been in to xmas. When I was married, Wade loved xmas and we always had a nice day. When his parents were alive,my Mother in law always tried to make Christmas really special. She really went all out decorating the house and it looked really pretty. Her cooking was ...well.... She made great pie. We always had a really nice time. On the other hand my Mom operates under bah humbug.... My sister has invited me up. That might work, depends on my cycle. Rid might enjoy a road trip. He loves the car. If I do that I need new tires. The point is this could be my last Christmas and the thought of that is really depressing. Then I have to remind myself to go day by day.
So I think I will be able to go home tomorrow and possibly return to work a little next week. I need to find out about ssi disability and returning to work.
Peace
Holidays can be hard. I haven't spent the holidays with family since my mom died. I still get really sad on Christmas Eve. Christmas Day is fine, but Christmas Eve makes me sad when I get off work and come home to an empty house. Luckily I have an adopted family here in Texas who has opened their doors to me so I have folks to be with on Thanksgiving and Christmas. But it is not like having Mom.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of you spending it in DC with Leslie. Try to make that happen!
XOXOXOXO
Rachel
(p.s. For the first time in years I am skipping Spinach Madelaine and doing something different. Blasphemous I know!)