I love to ride in the car with the windows down and the sunroof open and the iPod cranked. Today it was coldplay. For some reason coldpay makes me sad. Maybe it reminds of the time when We had the farm in rural Louisiana.maybe it is just that the lyrics are melancholy. Any hooty, it got me thinking. When you get sick, you have to fight. All day every day, if you don't, you die. You can't complacently sit there. Doctors are people, they are not god. And i question them. And they appreciate it sort of. If I had gone along with everything, i would be dead. Or in pain. You have to really communicate because they are not psychic. They have to know every detail to make an informed decision. So you have to advocate for yourself no matter how bad you feel.and you have to advocate with the hospital, and the insurance company, and the social security. And be sick, and fight, and make yourself get up and do things. People want to help, but they can't, not really."Cancersucks" I don't know how in the hell you got through this with small children. My hat is off to you.
I wrote more on this blog earlier and part of it got deleted somehow.
But really everyday you get up and think is this gonna be a good day? Am I gonna be here at christmas? will I get to meet me niece or nephew in March? I have to make it to then because I need to smell that sweet baby smell.
So the thing is i got up today and tried to do things today but it did not work. I am throwing up and my hips ache, i went to target but I had to come home. I am really nauseated and I really want to fight but I just don't have it in me today. So here is to tomorrow.
Peace
I woke up thinking of you . I still cant believe these last couple of years . I meditate your way daily. And i will always do so. My Heart Ellen will always be with you. fall is in the air here and I wish ,well i hope your spirit picks up muffy . find something to laugh about that will keep your strength up. Good thought your way -me
ReplyDeletestrength vibes being sent your way, Ellen. prayers for healing and for peace and comfort and for a jillion fighting chemo molecules going after the bad guys to buck up and get the job done asap. you are doing an unbelievable job and you are inspirational to us all. rest up. even heavyweight champs need a breather now and then. God's Peace--Laura
ReplyDeleteEllen:
ReplyDeleteSometimes giving up the fight is not all bad. We cannot do all things in our strength. So many pray for God's peace, healing and touch. He can't work if you are. Seek, Ask, Wait and Trust. Depend on His Strength......and Ask for His healing touch...
Well its tomorrow and wether you feel better or not remember what feeling good feels like . Its wonderful . I would think of the rush that was two lovers selling then drinking an old pickup, or amazing our friends with tales of "Doing it 3 times a day.Yes mam good is is in fact great . and when i want to think about great theres only one thing i can relate to. picture great Ellen and you will get what you ask for muffy. Your dogs are doing good we we love you very much.
ReplyDeleteHi Ellen....you don't know me. I am a friend of a friend of your's....I believe you were roommates in college??? Anyway...she told me about you and I am a fellow cancer-fighter. I have Multiple Myeloma and Stage IV kidney disease from the cancer. I couldn't help but post a comment after reading your blog today....because I can totally relate to you!! Fighting is a continuaL thing and can be SO tiring and cancer does suck. I am in the process of getting my 4th Stem Cell Transplant and there are days when I just say I can't do this anymore...and then I think of all the things I love in this life and decide...ok, guess I'll keep fighting. Your fight and determination are so inspiring to me! I just had to let you know that. Keep the faith...and the fight!! :)
ReplyDeleteWe're all still here fighting with you with our energy, prayers and thoughts. The doggies and I will be in town Thurs-Sunday working but if you're feeling up to it, I'd love to pop over and say hello in the evening. I'll be thinking about you either way. Love, M.
ReplyDeleteI just did what you are doing. Took it one day and sometimes an hour at a time. Really no other option. Just fought on. Keep standing up for yourselves with drs, insurance, etc. I think of you all the time! LIVESTRONG.
ReplyDeletehey cous, i am commin out of the woods. haven't been on the computer for a while,but talk to anne once in a blue moon. been keepin you in my meditations. i hope you make the drive,as it is spectacular in these hills. if i didn't need the dough(got my own uninsured lurking ailments) i would not leave this fine place.phones th same should you feel good enough to txt.
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