Tuesday, September 6, 2011
A Day
I was having a cancer day today. I am going to the hospital for treatment. I feel safer there. I am so fucking sick of this shit. The cancer could build a resistance to this drug. or not.... It does happen quite often. I have to live in this and it won't go away. Just good days and bad days. I thank god for the good days and just lay there on the bad days. I want my life back so bad and it just is not going to happen. It is such a gross feeling. And then there is the deep exhaustion. So deep in me that my bones ache. I sleep and rest but it never goes away. It's the cancer and the chemo. It's stage 4 cancer. Those of you who are going through chemo know what I am talking about. And you know what it is like being trapped in your cancer or any other bad illness ie kidney,blood disorder etc. I normally try to be up and not complain, I just am having a day today....... Tomorrow should be better,,, I guess, Jacked on steroids, I ask for morphine to take the edge off. ok.... going to go downstairs for dinner. Mom is making me corn on the cob. Peace
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Thinking and praying for you daily Ellen. I have a close friend that is in her fifth year of battling colon cancer. I know its easy for people like me to say "hang in there" when you feel like shit but know I am hear if you need anything anytime. 404-909-9610 Tami
ReplyDeleteI know you don't really like "my friend had this" bla bla ... but my sister was talking about a friend of hers who had stage 4 cancer ... 12 years ago. It was just part of another conversation but I thought that it was a nice piece of information to share. I'm so sorry that you are having to suffer so much and fight so hard. I wish you luck on the chemo this round. I'll touch base next week. love ya,
ReplyDeletem.
Cuck Fancer! Complain! It's OK! How was the corn on the cob? ; )
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