You just never know. I guess I have been so sick for the past 6 months that I did not think so much about my illness. Honestly, I laid there and thought about nothing. Now that I am better, my anxiety about my illness has cranked up. Getting the diagnosis was shocking. The taxol carbo platin not working was scary. The new tumors growing was horrible. Throwing up and almost dying was bad. The whole month of July was in the hospital. Now the tumors have shrunk and the new treatment is working. But it could stop at any moment. I pray it doesn't but it is a reality. Cancer does become drug resistant. It happened to me before in just 8 weeks. I have to take it hour by hour. Day by day. That is all I can do. But it does feel like I am trapped in my cancer. I can't plan anything right now. I wish i could.
Peace
plan to laugh .I know its hard and who am i to tell you to find the bright side but laughing is great medicine .It helps your spirit it strengthens your immune system. pull up a funny movie for you jane and rids to watch . We love you Ellen .
ReplyDeleteI can understand why you are anxious - It's like you were caught in a major gun fight and did not have much time to "contemplate". Now, you've got some time to think and it's hard to push the scary thoughts away. All I know is that you are a fighter of the likes I've never seen and so you should feel proud and recognize your own personal, amazing strength. Maybe taking on a little work would do you good - I can't see you sitting around as you were never one for that. I say to keep living as fully as you have been, going out to eat and doing stuff that you "can" do - and you know- you can always call me if you want to talk. Love ya, M.
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