Monday, December 12, 2011
Good morning
I wrote a rather negative blog about Christmas, and then I deleted it. I sounded like a big fat whiner. Christmas this year is depressing for me. I will be sick from the chemo and throwing up. Cecelia said this 3 rd cycle will probably kick my fanny sooooo..... Good times. I am not going to go into all the other things I wrote. Christmas can be depressing and emotional for some people. For some reason, a lot of emotion gets stirred up around this time. This is the time of year my Dad and Grandmother died and yearly I reflect upon this. Maybe it is the grey sky and the cold. I really don't want to get depressed this year. My fight is so tenuous and I need my strength to try and get well. The eating part is bad enough. Anyways, I think now is a time to reflect upon what we have and what we are thankful for. I for one am glad to be alive another month, or week, or day, even if it is a bad day sometimes. It is so strange to think of life in terms of these small fragments and small actions as opposed to a larger picture with goals and outcomes. But it is all I can deal with. So this week should be pretty good. Just a diagnostic mammogram because I found some small lumps in my breast. I think they are cysts. I hope they are cysts because I just can't deal with the girls getting cut on right now. Actually I am a little terrified. At least the bone scan went ok. Now this. Always something..... Fun fun fun..... Ok peace
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Ellen, I hope today finds you well. You have every right to be depressed this time of year, who could blame you after all you've been through. But, I think you realize that a positive attitude is much more productive and much less tiring. When I was unable to eat, my husband kept saying "how can you just sit there and watch us eat", after I'd made the family their dinner. Well, I learned, THEY HAD TO EAT! I needed to eat but was unable, but in keeping them well fed they were able to do more things for me that I couldn't do for myself. It seemed much more productive to my benefit! Anyway, sending hugs and prayers, keep eating what appeals to you and stay positive!
ReplyDeleteI like that! I never have a problem not being able to eat. I mean I am ok with it. I just hate being sick. Funny, I do cook and try to eat. I am not sure if it is the drug or,the tumors this time. I think it is the tumors.
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