Update

No Zometa for me because I am in kidney failure sooooo.... That's all I know still getting chemo today. Oh boy.... More to post later I guess. Just hanging out at the infusion center getting ivs and chemo. Ate a sandwich and am a little fidgety. I am always fidgety sitting here. I guess I will post more later, just a little tired.

What's next

I have been the good little trooper through all this. Today when I went for my check up, Dr.C mentioned the spot on my L 4 that has been there this whole time. Nothing
Ike a little bone cancer to brighten your day! It has never changed but the radiologist interpreted it differently this time, so I am having a bone scan. Not surprising the cancer had spread to my lungs so the bones are a logical progression. Disappointing. One other thing to deal with. The drug they are giving me is Zometa. It helps the bones from fracturing and it helps contain the cancer. A side effect although rare, is it deteriorates your jaw. I have agreed to be a part of a study that examines my mouth so if in fact this happens to me they can help determine why. God I hope not. Just one other thing. Kidney failure, bone cancer, lung cancer, tumors.... Good times. Chemo tomorrow, then bone scans, cat scans, and chemo the week of Christmas. Cancer doesn't stop for Jesus. I sure wish it would. I do feel better today. My potassium was really low so my electrolytes were all out of whack. So that's all the news. Mom wanted to go xmas shopping. I say bah humbug! I will celebrate in my own way this year but it is not going to involve spending money. I think the whole gift giving thing has gotten out of hand, and detracts from what it was intended to be about. You can give gifts all year long. Why does it have to be that day? I would rather give of my self or my time or my friendship. There I said it....peace.

Tumor tummy

If i press on my stomach, I can feel the tumors growing. They are hard knots. I have no appetite and I have been in bed since thanksgiving. I am lethargic, and I don't care. If I felt better I might be having an anxiety attack but I am not. I have talked on the phone a bunch and watched some tv. Mom took the dog and he is having playgroup. I will head over there tomorrow for chemo week. Les will be here Thursday.yay! I have been telling Ridley she is coming. He loves her. No other real news. More later.

Today

I am laying on the sofa watching the dawgs vs ga tech. I am not a huge football watcher but I do enjoy some college ball and of course the dawgs are my team. I have dozed off once. I am not into doing much today. I can feel the tumors now they have grown and I am starting to be nauseated. Ugh. The drug I am on doesn't work until the second dose...so I have to wait until Wednesday. Scary. I wonder if giving my kidneys a break was really worth it. I sure hope so. Nothing else to report really. I am going to try and cook a pork tenderloin later and that is the extent of the day. I have an app I downloaded on my iPad called clipboard. I have enjoyed it immensely. It consolidated magazine articles and arranges them by topic. Download it if you can! Ok back to the game... More later

thanksgiving

today is a day to be thankful. i am thankful i could eat the wonderful food i made. i am thankful for the company of my mom and my friends. i am thankful to be alive another day.
i am thankful for another holiday. i am thankful for my dog. i am thankful for my faith.....
what are you thankful for?

One word

Being sick with a terminal illness has given me a chance to reflect on many things. Things I have contemplated have been painful, humorous, and enlightening. If I could sum up what it all means, the thoughts, my life, I would say one word, "Lucky". Yes, I said it, "Lucky".

I was born lucky. There was not one single day in my life that I did not know I was loved. my parents loved me, and I love them. Some people never have the privilege of the nurturing and compassion that I got from my Dad, and I am grateful for it. It molded me and made me what I am todAy. The saddest day of my life was jan 12 1979, the day my Dad died. I was lucky to have had him in my life. Mom too, but Dad was my rock.

Lucky, I was also lucky that I have insight, knowledge, the gift of seeing. Whatever you want to call it. I see things way ahead of others. It is frustrating because they don't get it. I feel isolated, and eventually much later, they come to the same conclusion. Painful and lonely but still I am lucky.

I am also lucky to have so many wonderful friends. They say you are lucky if you can count your friends on one hand. Your true friends that is. I think I have to use my feet too. So. Yes I am lucky. In the face of this adversity I have to think positive and the word is Lucky. Was cancer lucky, NO! Was this cruel and painful illness I will always have lucky. no. But the other things far outweigh cancer. Make no mistake about it, cancer sucks. But there is good in it and I have realized how lucky I am. So....... Think about being Lucky.

Good am

I am sitting in bed propped up on pillows with my handy companion. He is wedged into my side snoring. We got up at 5,6 and 7:30. Butthole. He is sleeping fine now. I'm not.
Any hooty, I went to the grocery yesterday and that was it. No energy. I need some blood. I ate some red meat but I am past that. Just too anemic.
I am watching food network and wondering how much energy I will have today. Not much I am sure. But I feel good other than being tired and that is good. I am grateful.
Have to be thankful for everyday even it is just a marginal. No other news......
Has anyone seen a great movie lately, one I can on demand?
I keep renting duds. Peace.